I Am My Own Antimatter

• ANTIMATTER (noun)
The noun ANTIMATTER has 1 sense:

1. matter consisting of elementary particles that are the antiparticles of those making up normal matter

Familiarity information: ANTIMATTER used as a noun is very rare

so here's the fact,

as I grow up I realized that I already become someone who I doesn't want to be when I was still a kid

I used to hate people who involved in business things. I think they are capitalist that make the rich grow richer and the poor grow poorer, I used to think that people who works behind the desk is super boring, I hate when life's happiness is measured by the amount of money that people have. I see many people with lots of money grow evil, they are such a douchebag, their attitude make me hate their lifestyle. I've been bullied, make enemies, and confront those who think money are everything. The one that think money can buy everything, they are people who I hate the most,

And what do I study now? yes, I study business.

I used to hate people who wear and collect uncommon sneakers. Come on, sneakers are made to walk and all sneakers have a same caste. When you stepped on a shit, then no matter how expensive your sneaker is, it is still a sneaker that stepped on a shit.

And what is the thing I interested to do now? yes, I collect sneakers.

I used to hate smokers. Seeing people near me smoking is make me angry for some reasons that I don't know. I just know that smoking is bad. I grow up with people around me smoking, most of my uncle are smokers, I even make a deal with my father when I was a kid, every time he smokes cigarettes, I got 500 rupiah (it's back in 90's something, 500 rupiah is kinda a lot for a kid). My father stop smoking now, my mom hate smokers, I do hate them, used to.

And what do I do now? I smoke. I won't give any sensible reasoning for this, I respect everyone has a free choice, most of all I still know smoking is bad and I will, later, stop smoking, it is a must.

I used to hate someone. He used a typical accent when he say this particular word, "okaaaay".

and shit, I don't know why sometimes I used that same accent as him when I say "okaaay". I hate myself of saying that, and yes, I still hate that man. No pun inserted.

those are just a few cases that I experienced, I still have many things on my list but hell, I will save it for myself.

the point is, I know I become someone that my past self will hate of, but life goes on, people come and go, life is not just a set of plain motion that you plan and will succeed.

My first job that I dream is to become an astronaut, but as time goes by, I realized I'm bad at math, physics, and all of things that I must master to become an astronaut. I also dream to be a chef, I have a big passion in food, I love to eat good food, and serving a good food to people that I love make me happy, but here's the fact again, yes I love to cook, but I cook only for myself to eat, some people say my cook is good, other say it is just a pile of manure, I like it but it's just not fit to the things that I can be dependable on in the future.

And here's the reality, now I study business, dunno, maybe I'm good at it and I start to love it since 4 years ago. Even though I'm living a life that my past self will hate, my background tell me how can you make yourself better than all of those people you hate in the past. I want to be the only one my past self will proud of in a million of other people who take the same choice as me and still doing things that my past self hate. That is satisfaction, reality slaps me but I slap it back.

We will not forever live in a past dream, having a target is good, it will keep you trying until you get what you want, it is like a burning fuel to fulfill your ambition. But please know that target is made as a motivation, not as a boomerang that will destroy your own self. You know yourself, what is good and what is bad, make the privilege of free will to make yourself stronger.

I do have many ambitions and desires, I want to make my parents proud, I want to make world a better place to live, I want to see the smile of the one that I love everyday, and many other things. But there is one more thing that I set as a target and I hope I can fulfill it before I die: "I want to see what earth looks like from the moon"